Breaking News: The G-Spot Does Not Exist

For those of you who believe that God can hear you pray, even if you keep your prayer in your thoughts, think again. "The human brain does not contain a single 'God spot' responsible for mystical and religious experiences," so a new report says, "The finding, detailed in the current issue of Neuroscience Letters, contradicts previous suggestions by other researchers that the there might be a specific region in the brain designed for communication with God."

It's a strange thing, considering you can clearly see an image of the Virgin Mary in an MRI of Terri Schiavo's brain (see above picture, right hemisphere). One must assume that not only is God watching us on TV, but he also is directing the entire show. Which means he must be controlling us. Which means he must know what we're thinking. Which means... aaaaaaaarrgh! Run and hide, zip up your fly, and don't ever do that again!!

Unfortunately, God requires that you speak loudly, clearly and possibly with a bullhorn. It is best to find a mountain top or very tall building. Throwing yourself off does not help, but if you're dumb enough to believe God will has plans for you, by all means try it.

Bush Makes Me Proud To Be An American - NOT

George Bush is dedicated to encouraging democracy throughout the world via wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, and through red carpet welcomes during visits from world leaders such as President Nursultan Nazarbayev (text from WASHINGTON POST):

...the White House is making arrangements to host the leader of Kazakhstan, an autocrat who runs a nation anything but free and has been accused by U.S. prosecutors of pocketing the bulk of $78 million in bribes from an American businessman. Not only will President Nursultan Nazarbayev visit the White House, people involved say, but he also will travel to the Bush family compound in Maine.

Okay, well, at least we know that Bush's reason for war and diplomacy have nothing to do with getting oil:

The upcoming Nazarbayev visit, according to analysts and officials, offers a case study in the competing priorities of the Bush administration at a time when the president has vowed to fight for democracy and against corruption around the globe. Nazarbayev has banned opposition parties, intimidated the press and profited from his post, according to the U.S. government. But he also sits atop massive oil reserves that have helped open doors in Washington.

Wait, there must be some reason to feel that the Administration has only the best of intentions with their actions:

Even before Nazarbayev's upcoming visit, Vice President Cheney went to the former Soviet republic in May to praise the Kazakh leader as a friend, a trip that drew criticism because it came the day after he criticized Russia for retreating from democracy. The latest invitation has sparked outrage among Kazakh opposition.

Alright, I give up. Bush has no redeeming qualities. And yes, he is the AntiChrist you've all been waiting for.

It Sucks Being A Man When You're Needy

Other than the usual "Men make more money than women", "Men get more respect than women," and "Men are always taking advantage of women" statements, it really seems to me to be a Woman's World when it comes to getting what you need.

Women are by nature more attractive than men (I know several bisexual women, few bisexual men, and this fact makes sense to me) . Women at bars usually have several men hanging off of them while I usually get shot down by the women I before I even approach them. Women in porn make more than men... at least I think they do. And here's the kicker: egg donation pays more than sperm donation!

Okay, maybe it makes sense. Eggs are only available during short windows of opportunity, whereas sperm are available as long as the zipper doesn't catch you. But it still doesn't seem fair. Doesn't it take two to tango? Isn't the sperm as important as the egg to make a baby?

Daily, as I ride the PATH train from Hoboken to Manhattan, I see posters inside the train cars advertising for "Dreammakers" to sell their eggs for $8000 (upon completion of the donor cycle). I checked to find out what the going rate for sperm is, and it's substantially less. One search revealed $1 to $45 "depending on quality of the sample." I sold some DVD's last night and made $1 to $8 per disc. I suppose selling DVD's is probably more profitable, but just as embarassing if you were to examine my lame collection.

Someone told me once that you could get several thousand dollars for selling a testicle. I couldn't imagine doing such a thing, but I checked it out anyway. Damn National Organ Transplant Act of 1984!

I Wish I Could See Video Of This

Proof that stupidity is international, the following happened in China:

"A woman in Hohhot, the capital of north China's Inner Mongolia region, crashed her car while giving her dog a driving lesson, the official Xinhua News Agency said Monday."

Granted, we all love the idea of dogs driving cars, but to actually do it! The problem, of course, was that she didn't leave the driver's side window open so the pooch could stick his head out. That's how dogs HAVE TO drive.

I found it on MSNBC, read on to discover her reason.

An Open Letter To Jack Sadler

Dear Jack,

You said you sent me an e-mail and I haven't replied. What e-mail? I looked back through 2 months worth of e-mails (and I never delete), but found nothing from you. Are you pulling my leg? Are you yanking my chain? Are you trying to hurt me?

What gives?

Yours affectionately,

Tom Waters

On Buck Rodgers It Was Called the Terran System

Pluto has been downgraded, which means the Solar System has 8 planets, not 9. I prefer this to the alternative of 12. I mean really, Ceres is an asteroid and Charon is a moon. I prefer the exclusive club where Pluto is shown the door rather than the all-inclusiveness of a planet named,"2003 UB 313 (aka Xena: Warrior Princess)."


I learned about the new classification on the MSNBC website via the web-exclusive video. In her report, the newscaster stated, "Leading astronomers approved historic new planet guidelines downsizing the Milkyway Galaxy from 9 planets to 8." I guess the Milky Way, being up to 100,000 light years in diameter is too small for more than 8 planets.

Oh, wait! This just in: everyone involved in that webcast is an idiot. Film at 11.

Tuesday

Stayed in today.

Sent out a few more resumes via CareerBuilder. At least one job listing actually looked interesting. It was something for McGraw-Hill.

Worked on setting up my bedroom and pulled my books out of boxes then onto shelves, moved my bed and dresser so they fit into the room better. Put up framed posters on the walls (the NYC picture shown at the top of this blog, a Beatles poster of a 1964 concert, and a one-page Macbeth poster).

Put together the kitchen table.

Took a shower, cooked Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup, ate with crackers and two teaspoonfuls of peanut butter.

Good times. Damn good times.

...and so it begins.

Today is the first day of the rest of my week.

My first Monday as a resident of Metro New York was... slow. I sent out a few resume responses to Careerbuilder.com ads, but found that through one response, my resume was a bit sloppy. The version I have on my computer and have saved through Careerbuilder is clean, but during the sending of one response, a "this is how your resume will look" page came up, showing my resume with a couple of red strike-outs across previously deleted lines. How these words were showing up in the text was baffling, but why they were struck with red lines was even more confusing. No matter how many times I tried to attach my resume after completely rewriting it, I could not change what showed on the "how your resume will look" page. Frustrating. Tomorrow I try Monster.com.

Another exciting part of my day was the cleaning of my sofa after my roommate's cat had a pee on the blanket covering it and between the cushions. Although the cushions covers and blanket are now laundered, the urine soaked fold-out bed below will likely retain that horrible smell.

Later in the morning one of the other resident cats took a swipe at my arm when I pointed at him. He got me pretty good with his untrimmed claws.

At least one piece of good news, the apartment door lock which previously took several minutes to open due to poor inner-movement (the key would only go in half-way at first, with a need to wiggle and retry and shove and pound and swear and sweat before it would open) responded well to a shot of WD40. That stuff is really magic, I tell ya (and there's a fan club at the link). I might spray it on the sofa to deter the cat if the Feliway doesn't help.

Okay, Buh-Bye!

Tonight I will be packing up the last of my things & cleaning up my old apartment. Most of my belongings are now in Hoboken, NJ, and I will bid my adieu to Harrisburg, PA with a one-finger salute with Harry Nilsson's "Everybody's Talkin'" playing at full blast.

I'm going to miss a lot more people than I thought I would, some of whom I was able to say goodbye to last night and today. But I am very much looking forward to leaving what Central Pennsylvania calls a city in order to live within reach of the city so nice they named it twice.

I hope I will have regular access to the internet so I can write more often than I have been. Inspiration will certainly strike me more often with the amount of stimulation New York will provide. I will try to express to those who have never been to New York just how incredible it can be. I hope I will be able to share many, many good experiences. Just give me a few days or weeks to settle in and I will be ready to write.

To those I am leaving behind in PA, I wish I could take many of you with me. I thank you all for making the Susquehanna Valley livable for so long.

Until we meet again...

Beeeeee Goooooooooood Elllllliot!

Who's Going to Protect Us?

"As the British terror plot was unfolding, the Bush administration quietly tried to take away $6 million that was supposed to be spent this year developing new explosives detection technology."

I stumbled across this at the MSNBC site. Lovely, eh?

Where Have You Been?!

I haven't written much at all lately. Yeah, it's a drag, I know. How does anyone survive without the fix I used to provide? Must be rough. I'm sorry.

It isn't that I haven't thought of anything to write about. I've been thinking a lot about politics, science, the environment, religion, and of course my friends and well-wishers, but I've been occupied lately with cleaning up and moving.

About two years ago I posted "Toward Moving On...," but have staying in relatively the same place during that time. It's easy to become stagnant. Yesterday I moved almost all of my belongings to an apartment in Hoboken, NJ. I have neither job nor prospects yet, but I have a place to call home (as long as I get a job soon to pay my share of the rent), and I'm happy to do whatever it takes to stay there. I'll clean gum off of the sidewalks of Time Square with a screwdriver if I have to.

I have one last week of work in Harrisburg, then I move the last of my belongings (me) to Hoboken for hopefully a long stay. I may not be online for a while, but when I'm hooked up again I'll start reading the blogs of all y'all again, and leave a comment or two when applicable.

In the "Toward Moving On" post, Mr F.F., a.k.a. Jack Sadler, a.k.a. Tom, a.k.a. "That Guy," a.k.a. "a dear friend I don't see often enough but will miss," commented about losing touch with old friends. So it happens. There are hundreds (I bet) of people who have drifted in and out of my life. Most I can't remember. It doesn't mean I don't care. But life is worthless when it's stagnant. I can't stand the smell either. I'm just ready to mix it up a little bit before I grow too complacent.

I'll try to write again soon.

Later...

Carry On My Wayward State!

Not much time to write (more on my reasons later) but I just wanted to note what happened in Kansas regarding Intelligent Design.

"Conservative Republicans who approved classroom standards that called evolution into question lost control of the state Board of Education in Tuesday's primary election.

Read on and be hopeful.