Breaking News: The G-Spot Does Not Exist

For those of you who believe that God can hear you pray, even if you keep your prayer in your thoughts, think again. "The human brain does not contain a single 'God spot' responsible for mystical and religious experiences," so a new report says, "The finding, detailed in the current issue of Neuroscience Letters, contradicts previous suggestions by other researchers that the there might be a specific region in the brain designed for communication with God."

It's a strange thing, considering you can clearly see an image of the Virgin Mary in an MRI of Terri Schiavo's brain (see above picture, right hemisphere). One must assume that not only is God watching us on TV, but he also is directing the entire show. Which means he must be controlling us. Which means he must know what we're thinking. Which means... aaaaaaaarrgh! Run and hide, zip up your fly, and don't ever do that again!!

Unfortunately, God requires that you speak loudly, clearly and possibly with a bullhorn. It is best to find a mountain top or very tall building. Throwing yourself off does not help, but if you're dumb enough to believe God will has plans for you, by all means try it.