...the love you take is equal to...

My girlfriend of the past 16 months or so have called it quits, and it feels like half of my body has been torn away. I've been through this kind of situation about a million times before, but I can never get used to it. This time it was a kind of mutual agreement, but it doesn't make it any easier.

I'm beginning to realize that we really have very little of the stuff that makes a relationship work, but I still love her dearly. Unfortunately, I can't be the kind of person who takes the high road and remains friends. I know myself well, and as soon as she goes out on that first date with someone new, my anger and jealousy will take control and let my darker side show. Even without that, though, if I need to get over her, then I'm going to need to forget all of the things I love and will miss about her.

I doubt she will read this, because I always had to force her to sit down and read my previous entries (she admittedly does not often like my sense of humor), but if she does, I'd like her to know that I'm sorry that I can't stay friends. I'm going to miss her more than anyone I've ever dated before, because she was the first that I ever truly trusted and the first I ever really felt comfortable with. Unfortunately, I guess I was too comfortable, because I never took that extra step to make things work. I was stubborn and cranky most of the time.

Good luck and goodbye, Julie. I'm going to miss you more than you know.