I Never Thought It Would Happen To Me...

Today I took a nap at my FWOB's (Friend Without Benefits) apartment and I was totally visited by aliens at my bedside! As I lay there, paralized, I could see them staring at me, talking trash about me and old Fwobbie, then poking around, looking for a place to stick the anal probe. Just then the cat jumped on the bed and scared them away. I was thankful, but at the same time a little disappointed. I've never really known where an anal probe goes and I was a little curious.

All of the above is true... except the part about them being aliens. It was actually a talking television set. It came up to the bed and tried to get my attention. It didn't have an anal probe either. I just wanted to see if my Google rating would go up.

The funny thing about this is that it isn't the first time I've been in a sleep paralysis situation where I was confident at the time that what was happening was real. Once, a few years ago, I woke up to see a spider larger than my head scurry from my bed to the space behind my dresser. I jumped up, freaked beyond any freakatude I've ever experienced and made a dash for my living room, securing the door behind me.

After I sat up for a few minutes, I realized that it was impossible for a spider that big to exist, let alone be in my bedroom. Still, I couldn't go back into my room for a week without a stick and a can of raid. I finally stopped sleeping on my couch after 10 days. The first night back in my bed was a little shakey as well. I had to get drunk first.

I used to hear stories about people who would see aliens in their room or demons and it never really seemed to occur to the person telling the tale that it might have been a waking dream or an active imagination (or a freaking liar). None the less, I encourage people to be on their guard. One day it could happen to you, and it is wise to be prepared.